House league sort-outs are this weekend for us, how about you? Are you ready?

Some associations seem to drag out the sort-outs over several weekends. They rebalanced the teams and scrimmage again. Rebalance. Scrimmage. Repeat. Rebalance. Scrimmage. Repeat. I’ve come this close to slipping the convenor a mickey of Fireball and begging her to put me out of my misery.

Then there are the associations who get ’er done over three hours in one evening. Pick up your pinney. Get on the ice. Four, five quick scrimmages. Boom! No Fireball kickbacks necessary.

This year, our sort-outs will fall into the latter scenario. My midget-aged player will take to the ice on Sunday evening for the first time since last March. Some kids still do that, you know: play hockey only half a year. 

Anyway, here how we fared in our own sorting out before sort-outs:

It goes without saying that the hockey bag needs to be checked out. You never know what still in there from last March (and you may not want to know either).

We recently discovered a pair of skates that had not been dried off with a skate towel as recommended back in March and had begun to somewhat rust. Surprisingly, however, they still fit. Nice try; no new skates for you. If you haven’t already checked out your kid’s skates, you might want to do so. A visit to the pro shop with a pleading look should fix this situation.

We also found two pairs of shoulder pads in one hockey bag. This time, catastrophe was averted. But a few years ago, when my daughter decided to play dress-up with her friend during a summer playdate, the novice-size shoulder pads ended up in the bantam bag. First day of bantam try-outs didn’t go quite as planned because playdates aren’t for princesses anymore. We now check that the right equipment is in the right hockey bag.

Then we uncovered underwear and hockey socks that had not been washed since March. With the help of some barbecue tongs, the offending garments were tossed into the laundry and the water temperature set at 100°C. Maybe three times. Oh no, forgot the practice jersey. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

A charming tape ball was unearthed that will make some landfill happy and some environmentalist cringe. What’s a tape ball? Read about them here, and be prepared to have a pet tape ball every year your child is in hockey.

There was no happy ending for the water bottle that had also gone unwashed since last March. We performed an exorcism on that Thing. The evil spirits are gone now ... right?

The hockey stick had fallen victim to a completely different villain. Turns out the stick was being used to hold up tomato plants. Clearly, the back-up stick would have to be used for sort-outs.

To say our own sorting out took some time is an understatement.

Nevertheless, the equipment is now present and accounted for, the gear is now all clean, the skates are sharpened, helmet screws tightened, and the stick is newly taped. We are set for sort-outs.

Now, where did that hockey player go?

Three cheers for house league sort outs – let the season begin.