My family spent hours together over the Christmas holidays watching the World Junior hockey tournament. While we were sad with the outcome, none of us could deny how exciting the final game had been. There was one TV ad, however, that kept playing over and over again that we were not at all sorry to never see again. I can’t even remember what the ad was for (how’s that for marketing?) but you probably remember it – the one with coach Herb Brooks’ voice overlay about working hard because talent wasn’t enough while portraying young kids making their beds, shovelling the snow off the bed of the pick truck and taking out the garbage in the pouring rain. Such angels.

I was so relentless comparing my kids to the kids in that ad that they soon began to leave the family room during each commercial break (and you might recall that ad was aired fairly frequently!). It’s safe to say they were probably far happier than me to see the tournament come to an end so they no longer had to listen to me do a TV ad play-by-play!

In my non-hockey mom role I work in Human Resources. Lately, I have spent a considerable amount of time creating job postings for a few vacant positions within our organization. Given Herb Brooks had the opportunity to bring his Miracle on Ice team to the 1980 Olympics, I got to thinking how a Miracle in Suburbia minor hockey team might be put together and what the job posting look like.

We are a family of five seeking to recruit fresh, enthusiastic team players to our team. Since 2001, we’ve been touring hockey rinks all over eastern Ontario, Western Quebec, northern New York and Vermont sharing our love of hockey and stinking hockey equipment. We know no limits to daily fast food intake but our bank account certainly does. Are you ready to join us? You just might be the one we’re seeking if you …

- Possess a proven ability to carry your own hockey equipment to and from the car. And perhaps a bag of groceries or two.

- Can demonstrate proficiency in tying your own skate laces.

- Have the ability to wake up for early morning practices (and ensure a reliable adult or guardian can do the same).

- Know how to operate a domestic coffee maker (or order a double double to go).

- Have at least three to five years or progressively senior water bottle and mouth guard cleaning experience.

- Have a highly developed skill in the accurate use of a GPS.

- Are an experienced cork screw operator.

- Are adept at displaying those ‘puppy eyes’ when sweet talking hotel front desk agents and especially hotel security guards.

- Have a keen attention to detail (i.e. remembering to put all your equipment back in your own hockey bag at the end of a game or practice).

- Have a keen interest in monitoring the weekly hockey schedule and be proactive in resolving any conflicts that may arise.

- Do not require any equipment that is not already surplus in our ‘equipment room’ (ahem, basement).

- Do not sass or speak disrespectfully to other team players, coaches, hockey parents and most definitely not other hockey moms.

- Undergo daily change of underwear (because this is considered an asset).

- Possess a keen sense of humour (because surely this is a requirement!).

In the end, if you are a true lover of hockey and respect those around you who participate in this national treasure, then you are surely the one for our team! Apply within.

I imagine the competition for such applicants is pretty tight but we’ll see what kind of candidates present themselves! However, in the end, I am very happy with the team I have. My kids and my husband are far more tolerant of my sarcasm than they should be! (Now if only they would figure out that coffee machine!)  

Three cheers for all our young hockey players – make they develop into the dream team we hope for!